As if being/having a lazy butt weren't enough. Last week I had my first eval with the PT. On top of my weak gluteus medius (not medialus unless, you're like, sooo ignorant. Like me five minutes ago) that the doc found, my PT told me my hamstrings, quads, and outside shins (I don't know what that's really called and she only touched it for indication) are also weak and I have very limited range of motion in my hips despite the fact that all my other leg/foot joints are loosey goosey. My muscles are just too tight. Upon hearing this, Craig asked the obvious: "So what DO you run with?"
My adductors of course.
Dude, do not mess with my adductors. I don't know how, but they make me run. Recently they have been found compensating for my hamstrings, glutes, and quads. Yes, my quads. They're not even on the same side of the leg! But here I am after day 3 of supervised PT with sore hip flexors (which are also manly cheating beasts) and adductors. I tell my PT that my legs are cheating, but try as I might I can't get them to stop completely. I wish I could sit down with my overbearing muscles and explain to them that if we're all investing 10 hours a week in exercises and stretches on top of time and co-pays to get into rehab, we need to pull together to get the problem fixed as economically as possible. Unfortunately, muscles don't speak English.
Pssssht. Communist bastards.
I kid of course. I'm not an Speak English or Disappear kinda girl. I just want to teach my muscles that they've been misdelegating the work for too long. Let my hiney work!
Despite the fact I am really bad at what I'm doing, I'm glad someone is watching me lift my butt from the table and roll my ankle from side to side; I really do suck at everything. My weaknesses astound me and force me to question how I haven't ended up with something serious effing up yet, but it guess that's only because I'm only doing exercises on things that aren't up to par. During my eval the whole "holding off on that iron man" thing came up again, and it occurred to me how silly my whole situation was. At that point I'd basically only glanced at my exercises, claiming to not have time to do them every night. But with my race dangled in front of me like a carrot it's so much easier to find the time. And I'm so willing to point out my therapy shortcomings in hopes of improving faster (Me:"Should I be feeling this here?" PT: "Nope. Your core needs some work. Do you ever do anything with it? I think we'll add crunches to your exercises every day from now on." oh, you skanky PT. A triathlete with a weak core? What's the point of living? I am filled with shame.)
If you see me around, tell my ass to get in gear and my adductors to quit bullying my quads. I'm not sure, but they all might speak Dutch.
Or Pig Latin. 'Cause I'm klassy like that.
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4 comments:
Notwithstanding your invitation, I find it to be a good practice not to speak to girl's asses. Besides,by all appearances, yours should be very capable of doing its share.
**er**, wait a minute. That did not come out right at all.
Tell you what. Share some more swimming mojo and I'll show you the remind you of the super secret Colerain running drills Coach T taught me. Those will fix your quads hammies and gluties right up.
so, let me get this straight:
all of your running is done by using the muscles in your inner thighs? the only thing my inner thighs are good for is the chub rub... so i guess congratulations are in order for you.
and while you talk about getting your butt off the table and strengthening your core, just know that i'm eating a cadbury egg that my sister hid in my purse. i saw it yesterday and held off until today. cuz, i have a strong core like that. cuz i'm a triathlete.
dude your ass cheats too? Me too! My ass is totally lazy. Hamstrings: also lazy. What is up with that?
Though- in the process of working around my awkward gait, I seem to have awakened the beasts that are my quads. Oh mang - they are a hurtin'.
I hope to find them much larger and manlier soon (but in the most ladylike sexy-legged sort of fashion). There should be payoff, don't you think?
Whats up with da Asses, I think they are all in it together, like a conspiracy! Mine too.
maybe the adductors only talk massage.
rockon`
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