Wetsuits are for wusses

Ironstar 2004. My first triathlon. I arrived too late to drive the course the night before, which horrified the soon-to-turn-pro Matt McCurdy, my dinner mate at the pasta dinner. It also horrified him I was riding a $600 bike I’d owned all of 10 days with aero bars that had been installed the night before. Indeed, I was a little horrifying. It’s how I roll, SON!

After dinner I headed up to my hotel room, organized my things and checked out my first race packet. I read through all that stuff I now throw away, intrigued by the newness of it all. As I was getting ready for the race I realized I’d forgotten socks; despite the fact there was a Wal-Mart 2 miles away, I opted to race without socks. No biggie.

That night I had trouble pulling myself away from the television because the Red Sox were playing the Yankees (back when I hated the Yankees and didn’t hate the Red Sox. Times have changed). I’m pretty sure that was the night that Curt Schilling played superhero with his bloody sock. Still, I turned off the game in the 7th or so inning and slept like a rock, as always. Baseball will go on whether I’m watching or not, but my sleep will not.

The next day I woke up, got my gear together, and stood nervously on the beach during the National Anthem. I spoke to some women standing around about how to approach the open water swim. They squealed with delight at my newbie-ness and offered me good advice about getting out in front early if I was a strong swimmer. They both passed me on the bike, but I was king of the world in that lake.

The race went really, really well. I was 3rd out of the water in my heat; unfortunately, 1 and 2 were also in my 20-24 age group, and I never caught those ladies. My transitions were slow, but I didn’t know that yet. On my bike, I tried to get down in aero and ran myself off the road into a ditch, but still managed to come back to pavement unscathed (sadly, I did this on a flat 2 mile stretch of road so EVERYONE whose ass I whooped in the swim could seem me. Sigh). I didn’t get in aero for months after that. Before I knew it I was on the run, rockin’ and rollin’ like a true champ. I don’t have my mile splits because I was wearing a crappy watch, but I ran the whole way. My ankles stung a bit from the rub they were getting for going sockless, but it wasn’t too bad. At mile 10 I was pumped—a 5k left! Child’s play! At that water station, two ladies I’d been back-and-forth with the entire run asked me if my feet hurt. “Why?” I replied. One pointed to my shoes, which were red with blood: my avatar was born. The sight of my feet almost made me puke instantly. After a few woozy seconds I continued on and finished in 6:32:25… not bad for my first half. I got a massage, a beer, some pizza, a mug, and a 3rd place plaque for my efforts. Go me!

Ironstar 2006. 7 weeks after Ironman Wisconsin found me in my normal post IM state: fat, happy, and living on beer and cheese (how Wisconsin appropriate). After such a crapass race I wasn’t interested in jumping on the training bandwagon except for my celeb ride with Greyhound and of course, the beerathon. But I wanted to do this race for old time’s sake, and dammit if I wasn’t going to finish.

But first I had to get there on time. After dawdling all Saturday I found myself going 85 all the way up to Conroe to make in time to get my packet before it was sold to the bloodthirsty hordes of people who didn’t register in time. I made it by 15 minutes. This year I skipped the pasta dinner so I could catch a meal with my two tri friends K and T, the girlfriend of T, and the parents of K. We had a great—though slow—Italian meal and trip to Wal-Mart (though I didn’t need anything) before turning in to our cabin. We talked, laughed, and got ready for the next day. This year there was no baseball to watch because my Cards took home the gold the day before (how thoughtful of them!). At 10 (9 PM after the fall backing) K and I turned in.

The next morning we woke up to air temps in the mid-40s and a water temp of 70. I’d been unsure about whether I should wear a wetsuit the night before… um, the next morning I wasn’t! I packed my sweet T1 bag from DeSoto—including wetsuit—and ate my breakfast of a Snickers Marathon bar, banana, and 8 oz greatorade before heading to transition.

The morning quickly warmed. After getting body marked (“I swear it looks pretty” said the body marker chick after putting an A on the back of my calf. Um, okay… do I look like the type of ho who would be annoyed if it was ugly?) and setting up transition, I stood around on the beach with K and her mom waiting for our heats to come up (she was at 7:20 and I was pulling up the large rear at 7:25). I decided that I should at least wade in the water before swim and hopped in the water up to my thighs. The water was downright pleasant! I went back and forth about taking off my neoprene beauty b/c I was afraid the water in the open lake—as opposed to the cove in which we start—would be significantly chillier. About 7 minutes before my wave I finally unzipped it and wiggled out to meet the swim with bare arms and legs. It was a good move.

I started in the front row of girls for my wave, a good positioning judging by the number of silver caps by me as I finished. Next to me was a girl in just a swimsuit who’d written my post title “Wetsuits are for WUSSES” on her cap… to be honest I happened to agree—the water was 70, and after a minute or so it felt really nice. Of course, that minute was a little shocking since I hadn’t warmed up, but still.

Before I knew it we were off. Though normally I would have gone out a little fast to get warmed up and away from the flailing dumbasses around me, I took it easy the entire swim. Within 7 minutes I’d come up on girls from the heat in front of me-- pretty cool. I felt wonderful in the water…smooth, long, efficient. I had to keep reminding myself I was doing this for fun and wasn’t going to blow my load in the first half hour of this ditty so I didn’t speed up. The swim was mostly uneventful despite my ending up in the middle of the bleeping course due to the sun and my difficulty sighting with freaking buoys the size of my freaking head. But I’m not bitter or anything. I cruised out of the water next to the girl I started beside at 33:07. Not my best, and way slower than the 30:34 from ’04. Oh well.

T1 was AWESOME (for me): 2:10, way faster than the 3:00 from ’04. The only thing I’ll mention here is that the Clydesdales/Athenas were on the last rack, which meant they had to run the farthest with their bikes. Does anyone else find this really funny? I did.

The bike was better than I expected. I felt strong and avoided the coasting I normally do on downhills (“What would Greyhound do?”). Nothing really out of the ordinary here except I actually PASSED people. I also was passed, but that’s no surprise; however, I did get passed by a dweeb in an aero helmet about 40 mins in. First of all, dude passed me on a downhill, then quit pedaling so I had to brake to avoid his draft zone. Turd! Not only did he get a 20 min head start on me, it took him another 40 minutes to get by me on the bike with an aero helmet. I swore to loathe this guy the entire race which worked out for me: I passed him 4 times, and he only caught up 3. I blew him off the road on the run. The lesson? If you’re going to pass me, you’d better do it right the first time. I came in at 3:32:41 (16.6 mph pace), not far off the 3:26:27 I posted in my first tri. Sometimes I want to punch 2004 Mishele in the stomach.

T2: 2:11. Smokin! 04’s time? A wussy 3:55.

The run was long, slow, and hot. People quickly trotted past me out of T2, but by the end I caught most of them. My secret? Never stop running, even if some folks are walking faster than my “run.” I only stopped to walk half of the only real hill on the course and each water station. I felt bad, but I was really enjoying the race… I think that might make me creepy. Anyway, I must’ve done something right because check out my last 6 mile splits:
12:30 (hey, I walked to chat with a friend)
11:31
11:26
11:13
10:57
10:20
How cool is that?! I finished the run in 2:30:01 (11:28 pace :-/)a mere 90 seconds from the 2004 posting of 2:28:31. My total time was 6:40:08 compared to the 6:32:25 from my first tri. Considering my training, my pacing, and my initial attitude I did really well. This might be the race I’m most proud of this year behind IM AZ. Sure, it’s kinda slow and I’d expect to have improved in two years instead of slowing down, but I had fun, paced well, nailed my nutrition, and came in 2nd in the Athena division. Yowsa! I was also sore but not handicapped the next day; today I feel like I could do another HIM. Basically it’s the best recovery ever.

And finally, my favorite: the injury report. I’m sunburnt, have 2 chafed underarms, and NO blisters. Not one. The funny thing about this is I brought my new running shoes with me to the race thinking I’d already run in them. I hadn’t. Apparently Mizuno Wave Riders are so awesome they don’t even need breaking in.

Mishele K, welcome to your REAL off season.