Rehabilitated means sucking less than you used to

I knew it was coming. I ran 6.2 on land last week. No pain. I wore high heels for the first time in two months yesterday (not that I missed them in the mean time). No pain. It was time.

Today I went to physical therapy, full of myself and proud my newly shaped butt (okay okay, you have to touch it to know the power it possesses), my super serial hamstrings, and my quads that look a little misshapen with all that muscle underneath a comfortable layer of cellulite. I was finishing up PT and no one was gonna kick this ass again.

Apparently my therapist didn’t get the memo because she whooped my butt today. Lower ab stuff. Upper ab stuff. Lower ab stuff again. Redo it because I didn’t keep my form the entire set. Slow down til my core is shaking like it’s scared for its safety. Whoever said anything about working my abs? Three sets on the Total Gym. I was sweating like a stinky cow in heat by the end, and I was completely demoralized. Who was this skank (it was skinny PT, not my favorite PT after all) to be challenging ME on my last day? As my hour finished up I had the sinking feeling I was going to have to make more appointments--there was no way I was getting wiped off the floor like I was in this session if I was supposed to be “better”.

Then I met up with my favorite PT for my final eval (insert happy eyebrow raise when she told me to come get her for that very reason). She had me do squats in the middle of the gym--embarrassing!-- and examined my ankle flexibility. Finally she sighed and said, “You look much better, but keep stretching--you’re going to have to stretch for the rest of your life. Two times a week will cut it for some people, but not you; it’s just the way you’re made.”

She mentioned how my stiff feet are a great benefit, but I couldn't allow my muscles to get progressively tighter. She then explained how I’d know that I was too tight or too fatigued to keep running based on where the pain was in my legs. And while she told me about the plusses as well as the minuses of being me, the meaning of her words dawned on me: We all have our weaknesses. Sure, I’m one stiff mofo, but that keeps me from other types of injury. Those nimbly pimbly yoga machines may have loose muscles, but that doesn’t mean they’re better suited to do any of the stuff I do. Ultimately, we have to play the hand we’re dealt. I have to stretch (and preach about stretching to you stinkers who don’t do it) all the time--ideally every day, before and after every workout. Maybe you don’t. But there’s probably something really crappy about your body that doesn’t even cross my mind, and I take great comfort in that.

But really, you should probably stretch your calves more than you do. If I had $1 for everyone who mentions their chronic Achilles tendonitis while skipping off after a track workout without stretching, I’d be able to afford Starbucks every day.

Now that that’s outta the way, can I get a listen for some IM goooooooals? Sweet. See ya tomorrow.