Last night I fell asleep thinking about my IM AZ marathon splits. Should I go out easier than last year? Could I really pull off a 4:40 marathon? It seemed doable on paper, especially since I'm about 7 miles ahead of myself from this time last year in terms of my long runs. Yes, I could do this...
I was on the run of some ironman somewhere. The Littlest Hoebag (TLH), my college roommate, and another friend had decided to race with me. I'd had a spectacular swim (1:03) and a decent bike for me (6:53). All I needed was a sub-5 hour marathon to break my goal time of 13 hours. It was all happening.
Around mile 16 I fell apart. TLH and this mystery friend forged ahead without me and I struggled to finish my second of three laps (Apparently this course was similar to the Great Floridian, which has an out-and-back before running three loops.) As I reached the beginning of this third lap at mile 20 my marathon time was 4:52. I had to be on my third lap by 5 hours even, so things were looking good--until I reached some volunteer at the third loop start. "Sorry" he sighed. "You missed the cutoff time. I'm afraid you can't continue." I was one livid little girl--this lazy S.O.B. just didn't want to volunteer and that's why he was making me quit 8 minutes before I had to(You get to know these things when it's your dream. Did I mention said volunteer looked a lot like Topher Grace?). Indeed, a group of three others had taken him at his word and walked off the course (though they didn't seem too upset). After fighting for 3 minutes with this guy he finally let me through, and I got through the loop in under an hour to finish in 13:43. As I went through the finishers area (which was kind of like a house party with lots of models in bikinis... crazy. It also had two full size pools--like Keating Natatorium set up for short course if you're a Cinci swimmer), I found an official to lay into about this crappy volunteer. He listened attentively then said, "Well he let you finish, didn't he?" Roar! I was furious.
I woke up sweaty with a sour stomach. How awful!
Interestingly enough, in real life some folks were also turned away after finishing the bike leg of the Great Floridian in 2005 (I think it was the total bike cutoff time, not the cutoff for the second loop. Since I wasn't stopped I'm not sure). We'd started 30 minutes late because the race officials refused to start with about 3 parked cars in the parking lot that we biked into and out of. After waiting around with their thumbs up their asses, they finally let us start. The cars never moved the entire race. Anyway, the city of Clermont refused to extend the road closures 30 minutes to give the racers the same elapsed time cutoffs, and as folks came in from the bike they were told they could not continue. What sucks is they had the time wrong by about 15 minutes (I was perilously close to not being allowed to continue though I'd beaten the original elapsed time cutoff by almost an hour. Good thing that didn't happen to me or someone would have lost his eyeballs.) AND once off the bike there was no danger to the racers since we were running on pretty desolate streets.
Man that race sucked. They ran out of water, volunteers abandoned their posts (and took all the nutrition and cups with them), and much of the run course was dark. But hey, at least I had exactly 8 fewer flats than this guy, right? Besides, I was the 2005 USAT national long distance runner-up for the 19-24 chicks. There's a silver lining.
Speaking of ironmen, this morning some BMW was being impatient behind me, switching lanes and driving aggressively. As he passed me I noticed he had a "140.6" sticker on his car.
If you have one of these on your vehicle, you might consider scraping it off. Why?
1) No one knows what the heck it stands for,
2) If they do know there's a 60% chance they're not impressed because they've done it too, and
3) Can you think of a more pretentious way to announce your ironmanliness? Oh please. If you must, stick the free "FORD IRONMAN FINISHER" sticker--or even an m-dot!-- on your bumper and move on with life. I don't want to detract from the greatness of the IM accomplishment, but you gotta be careful with the presentation: after all, isn't it bad enough you're sporting a nice butt, toned (and shaved?) legs, and killer abs? Enough already!
I apologize if you're sporting the 140.6, but that doesn't stop my disliking them. How 'bout an "I brake for bikers" or "Share the Road" bumper sticker instead?
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8 comments:
That was definitely a dream, especially since I can barely run for 15 minutes. While you're having IronMan nightmares, I'm having PE exam nightmares (I forgot my calculator! I mean seriously, that would not happen...right?)
So you think having an m-dot totoo'd in the center of my forehead would be a bit pretentious??
Gawd, what an awful dream. You need to eat happier food before retiring for the evening.
meh, I wholeheartedly support any tatoo (I plan on getting an m-dot myself after IM #10), though I greatly prefer them on the calf or the front part of the body. The forehead seems a little much, but frankly I'm a little curious how it would turn out. You have my blessing. :)
How about an M-Dot tattoo on your nicely toned ass? Or is it nicely shaved ass? I can't remember :-)
My favourite is the t-shirt that says, "you ran a marathon. That's cute...140.6"
but I could only wear such a thing if I did such a race. and even then, it seems so mean-spirited...
oh - and I must be the last person to look at the picture of your shoes. Dude! What's the story that goes with your shoes? Que horrible! Ouch!
i find it to be a gross inconsistency to support a permanent IM tatoo if you do not support a temporary bumper sticker.
It's not so much the actual bumper sticker as the "140.6". I admit I'm a bumper sticker girl, but I'd feel weird with anything but a USAT or HRTC sticker on my car, especially given how often I give the finger.
You do have a good point though George. Damn you and your logic!
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