Internet friends

Whenever I explain my blogging relationships to my "real life" friends, I get a bit flustered. Internet friends? I have internet friends? I recognize their legitimate benefit in a changing world while being leery of the stigma. And while the connections I've made with my internet friends have been surprisingly meaningful to me, I was taken aback at just how much the loss of one of them could hurt.

Today I found out one such internet friend passed away. While we only met once, it was all I could do after hearing the news to make it home before I started crying. It also took about that long to think, "If this is how you feel, just imagine how awful a loss this is to her family and friends." I suppose we all have to go sometime, but I can't help but feel like a great positive force in the world has left our company.

Wendy was human and therefore imperfect, but she refrained from displaying those imperfections to me. A swimmer and cat lover with a delightful wit and a great capacity for encouragement, she rooted on athletic accomplishments and human indulgences alike. I can't count the times her comments brought me a smile or a bit of comfort. Though I didn't have the pleasure of knowing her well, I will truly miss her, and my thoughts are with her family. Rest well, Wendy.

5 months from today

I'll be sweating out my latest and greatest Ironman. It'll be my 5th. I should have this whole "training for an Ironman/kind of a badass" routinedown by now, but this time I'm legitimately nervous. I haven't completed an Ironman-- nay, a triathlon-- since I began law school in 2007. I have the bar exam (Job 1, as those who like to use awkward phrases might say) in seven weeks. I'm overweight, an overstuffed sausage version of my old Iron self. And worse yet, I'm embarrassingly out of shape. I know that once I get to the starting line I can handle whatever race day offers; I am nothing if I'm not tough. But this time, whether I arrive to race is a larger question mark than I'm used to.

Sounds like a good time to start blogging, right? I could use some help or support, and I miss Houston and my tri community something awful. I'll never understand why I miss a place that was never meant to be home-- I daresay it's the people I left behind there. But I digress.

Today I went on my first run in 6 weeks, and it was ugly. About 2 minutes in my chest tightened, and I wanted to turn back. I look ridiculous, I thought. Fatties shouldn't run in public. People are you going laugh at you as you waddle by. But no one laughed, of course, and a few more minutes in I relaxed and enjoyed a nice (though slow) jog along the lakefront. In two weeks I'll be able to handle anything without that fear of physical discomfort (or is it failure?) rising up; right now it's just a question of getting there.

And with that, let me explain my plan. I am going to study for and pass the bar. I am going to take the next 22 weeks and get my ass into shape. I'm going to fundraise for my Janus Charity Challenge beneficiary and my old volunteer gig, the Greater New Haven Cat Project (before that, I'm going to finish building my fundraising site). I'm going to lose the 8 pounds that kept me from winning my Law School Bet (weight in = weight out --> new bike). I am also going to blog about it-- and in that order. Some things I want to accomplish in a less formal sense (more of guidelines I suppose?) include trying to curse less and not describing my training as a journey, an epic metamorphosis, or anything else ridiculous for the daily life of a normal human.

Now, about the blog. I've been here before, but dropped off the face of the planet when I started school and struggled with life, though I suppose not triathloning anymore didn't help, either. But now that I'm back, I'm not sure I'm going to stay... let's see how this trip goes before extending it, eh? I will warn you that unless you email me at my ever classy hotengineergirl at yahoo email by July 15th, you'll find my page blocked from your curious eyes. On July 16th, I'll be switching to a invite-only blog to prevent my getting any stalkers. So, let me know if you want to join. I'll post a reminder closer to the date, of course-- no need to worry about doing it this second (unless you want to).

Alrighty. I'm back to bar study (yea.). Catch you in a few days once I pick out a gym to get back in the pool!