Okay, I'm torn

So this one time I did an ironman. It was pretty cool. I had an okay swim, didn’t go too slow on the bike, and met some great friends on the crappy-ass run (yeah thanks Great Floridian for abandoning your water stations with 3+ hours left of the race. I loved drinking from dirty cups I found on the ground. In the dark.) Despite the lack of hydration supply on the bike/run, I did better than I thought I would, especially considering all the trouble I have with training on the bike. My longest training ride was 40 of the flattest miles Ohio had to offer. Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling so swell on the series of monstrous hills on the course (in central Florida? Yeah, I was surprised too). Still, I made it. Go me.

Later I would be ashamed of my slow time (15:58:something. I didn’t care at the time since it was under 16 hours) and of being the slowest/2nd slowest? biker that finished. But on that night, I was an ironman. 140.6 miles traversed by my own power, and under 16 or under 60 hours, that’s a cool thing. I was hooked, and in more ways than one; 2006 would hold my first Ironman Arizona and Ironman Wisconsin races.

Of course, it would be cooler if I were faster. I decided that I’d take some spinning classes and actually use my computrainer for the next race. Oh, and maybe I’d ride more than 1/3 of the race distance in my training. And I wouldn’t walk on the run course when I was feeling good, which I did in my first race (easy to do when there’s a festive atmosphere among the participants). I also started running outside rather than treadmilling it up-- I run over a minute per mile faster on the open road. These are pretty easy ways to drop a potentially significant amount of time. I was excited. Heck, I am excited. I can’t think of anything more than April 9th and what it will hold for me. I’m in the game. I’m ready coach. My first trademarked Ironman. It’ll be bigger, it’ll be badder, it’ll be harder.

I can’t think about anything but IM Arizona. Have I mentioned I’m excited about the race? Not unrelated to this excitement is this is the first race to which I have committed more than 6 serious weeks of training. Oh yeah, I’m giving this baby 10 ½ hard and fast weeks. I’m reading the tri books I bought a year ago. I’m still psycho vigilant about getting in my veggies, fruits, water (though the tire around my waist is proof that I have a problem with eating yummy/fattening dinners). I’m running without music for crying out loud! Pizza eating aside, what more could the universe ask of me? When I started reading ironman triathlete’s blogs, I realized there was much more.

There are some really serious amateur athletes out there. I mean like serious. When I started reading their blogs, I thought, “Okay, this is weird. You have no perspective and are just age-groupers. What gives?” I thought about my triathlete friend (aka HERO) George, who regularly inspires, supports, and educates me. I thought that the whole “fitness for life” motivation for training was something we shared, even though he trains much more than I do. I know he has a pseudo life because when I visit St. Louis, he’s there having a life. I chalk the difference in our training schedule to his being able to bring a greater focus to his training AND his having a real chance at qualifying for Hawaii, whereas my chance is imaginary. George is dedicated, but not crazy.

I train about 12-18 hrs/week. I am still slow on my bike, but I’m trying. I take a day off a week (or two when I’m too tired to go to Frank and his masochistic spinning class Friday nights. Oh Frank, you torment me with your intense intervals and your seated climbs… and I love it). I only swim 3 hrs a week because I don’t have to do more than that to stay in the front-middle of the pack come race day. (Yes! those 10 years of competitive swimming are finally paying off.) I’m trying to balance work, boyfriend (who’s unreasonably supportive by the way), LSAT studying, sleep, and the semblance of a social life with training. It’s hard, but it's the balance of things that I want. I’m doing the best that I can, especially because next year I won’t have any life (or heavy training) when I’m working full time and going to law school at night. I have obligations outside of swimbikerun. That’s normal, and I know that. So why do I feel so guilty about not being completely immersed in a sport I genuinely love?

I can't make up my mind about the IM minded. I'm definitely in awe of their dedication. I'm envious of their bodies and performances, but recognize those come with the extra time I won't give. But I don't like feeling as if I don't deserve to be on the same course as them come race day. I met amazing athletes at my first half ironman--my first triathlon!-- and they gave me race tips at the pasta dinner, encouraged me at turnarounds, and cheered at my finish. What happened between 70.3 and 140.6? Is it them or me?